every woman for them self...

So far, so alright. I felt a whole lot better after having a weekend far away from my school. "But when I though Savana and I were bffs again,  my detective work has proven otherwise." My was-best-friend-now-boyfriend said that when he was chatting to Savana on fb she said that she hates me. So I though I might have a bit of a chat with her… and the bitching started as soon as I said ‘hi’. Savana was calling me a retard, saying I’m fat, telling me to fuck my family… I was fed up. Then I remembered Savana was staying at Casey’s house for the week. It’s like Casey has some freaky magic that possesses over Savana… But when I think about all of the mean stuff that was said, it sounded so much like stuff that would come from Casey’s mouth, not Savana’s. I’m not really sure about it though, it could either be (a) Casey sits right beside Savana and tells her what to type (b) Casey logs into Savana’s fb account without her knowing, and says all the mean stuff. Or (c) Savana feels like she has no friends, so she goes along with what Casey does to make sure she doesn’t loose her as a friend. ♥ But no explanation sounds reasonable to me. They all suck. The butterflies once again filled my stomach, and I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, a single tear rolling down my cheek. Last time I felt like this it only took an afternoon with my gals from the high school to make me feel better. But I was learning the hard way, that they couldn’t always be right there for me when I needed them. The only ones I have with me at this time is the butterflies flying endlessly around in my stomach. I don’t get it, some get them when their nervous, but I get them when I’m sad as well. That, and the fact that I start singing the last song I heard being played. It’s what brings on the tears every time. Even if it’s a reasonably happy song, I will always cry. “But music triggers all of my emotions, since as long as I can remember.” ♥ After a refreshing shower, and eating some ice cream after tea, the butterflies disappeared. Only for a short time of course, they were back within a half hour. I just couldn’t snap out of my depressed mood. Everything I thought about reminded me of them. The two bitches that used to be my friends. Savana and Casey. It’s moments like these when I wish I could just not go to school. Ever again. It works for Libby. Of course my Mum would never let me just stay home, and I’d give up two easily. But Lib is persistent, she would sit in the car every morning, crying, determined not to leave her car. Not matter how much I try to convince her, she rarely listens. Which is why school sucks. Without Libby, I basically have no-one. She doesn’t understand how much I need her. If she did, then maybe she’d consider showing up at school… ♥