far from a magic spell...

The next day, Lib showed up. There was no fight to make her leave the care or anything. But I was still upset about what Casey and Savana had done. Strangely, Savana acted like there was nothing wrong. She spoke to me normally, and wasn’t mean at all. So then, at recess, the truth was revealed. Turns out, Savana lied, about everything. Casey pleaded innocent, and said that Savana wrote everything. So I went straight up to Savana, and said “why did you lie to me?” she shrugged her shoulders. “You bitch. I trusted you. I believed you.” a tear ran down my cheek. “Fuck off” I said as I walked away.” None of what I said actually made sense. But I was angry, I was sad, and I was stupid. ♥ So stupid, that I believed her again when she confessed, “Casey pressures me to write all that stuff! It’s just because she hates you - she wants me to hate you too…” Why the f@#$ did I listen to her in the first place? Of course at the time, I agreed. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Oh, now I remember. Because after Casey started spreading that rumor about me, Savana is the only friend I have left. ♥ A sigh of relief went through my lungs as I thought all was well with Savana and I again. But as I handed out my birthday party invites the day after our so-called make up, I thought about all the times when Savana has deceived me. “She’s lied, she’s bitched, she’s cheated, and she’s scammed me. It was then that I realized she wasn’t worth it.” But of course in these moments in life, once you realize these things, it’s too late. She had an invite, because I stupidly replaced Stephanie with that bitch. What would you do at this moment? Well, there was nothing I could do, except hope that we stay friends until my party. But 2 weeks is a long time for her not to be a bitch. And it only took 1 day for her to screw up our friendship, yet  a g a i n. ♥ This time, while she was sending me abuse via facebook, I decided I’d  take control… I knew that it would be Casey saying everything. Savana was too lame to come up with pay-outs like Casey, which she mostly stole from American sit-coms. So when I pointed out that I knew it was Casey, there was no reply for a while. Being an utter failure, Casey posted ‘what if it’s not casey.’ so I closed the convo by saying ‘just fuck off you stupid cow. I’m sick of you being a bitch.’ and then I blocked both of them so they couldn’t contact me ever again. And I intended to keep it that way. If I could do that with them in real life, it would be a hell of a lot easier. “I am the author of my own life. Unfortunately, I’m writing in pen, so I can’t erase all of my mistakes.” 

every woman for them self...

So far, so alright. I felt a whole lot better after having a weekend far away from my school. "But when I though Savana and I were bffs again,  my detective work has proven otherwise." My was-best-friend-now-boyfriend said that when he was chatting to Savana on fb she said that she hates me. So I though I might have a bit of a chat with her… and the bitching started as soon as I said ‘hi’. Savana was calling me a retard, saying I’m fat, telling me to fuck my family… I was fed up. Then I remembered Savana was staying at Casey’s house for the week. It’s like Casey has some freaky magic that possesses over Savana… But when I think about all of the mean stuff that was said, it sounded so much like stuff that would come from Casey’s mouth, not Savana’s. I’m not really sure about it though, it could either be (a) Casey sits right beside Savana and tells her what to type (b) Casey logs into Savana’s fb account without her knowing, and says all the mean stuff. Or (c) Savana feels like she has no friends, so she goes along with what Casey does to make sure she doesn’t loose her as a friend. ♥ But no explanation sounds reasonable to me. They all suck. The butterflies once again filled my stomach, and I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling, a single tear rolling down my cheek. Last time I felt like this it only took an afternoon with my gals from the high school to make me feel better. But I was learning the hard way, that they couldn’t always be right there for me when I needed them. The only ones I have with me at this time is the butterflies flying endlessly around in my stomach. I don’t get it, some get them when their nervous, but I get them when I’m sad as well. That, and the fact that I start singing the last song I heard being played. It’s what brings on the tears every time. Even if it’s a reasonably happy song, I will always cry. “But music triggers all of my emotions, since as long as I can remember.” ♥ After a refreshing shower, and eating some ice cream after tea, the butterflies disappeared. Only for a short time of course, they were back within a half hour. I just couldn’t snap out of my depressed mood. Everything I thought about reminded me of them. The two bitches that used to be my friends. Savana and Casey. It’s moments like these when I wish I could just not go to school. Ever again. It works for Libby. Of course my Mum would never let me just stay home, and I’d give up two easily. But Lib is persistent, she would sit in the car every morning, crying, determined not to leave her car. Not matter how much I try to convince her, she rarely listens. Which is why school sucks. Without Libby, I basically have no-one. She doesn’t understand how much I need her. If she did, then maybe she’d consider showing up at school… ♥

a sigh of relief...

I’m on the road to repair. We’re going to Adelaide today to watch the footy, and for me and mum to have some retail therapy. Unfortch, I miss out on casual clothes day at school… but at least I will have bitches off my mind for a while. Everything and everyone hates each other (...and I say everything because I’m being random) it’s just so stressful. For all of us. Although, it’s not as bad as it first seemed to me when I was walking the mile to school on Monday Morning. “I don’t even know who the worst offender of it all is either.” But I guess from here, things can only get better. Or take a tragic turn into deep despair… :( ♥

an uncovered truth...

Sweet relief. Turns out, one of my friends from New Zealand, Alexis Fourie, sent a bit of a message to Savana and Casey, (which I could show, but I don’t have access to her account…) that basically asked why they sent the message to me. Apparently, they Googled one of my guy friends, Jacob Luke Nisbet, and his picture came up. So they then assumed that he was made up, and I just found the pic on Google. The part theydidn’t know was there was a heap of pics of Jacob on his school’s website, because he is on the swim team. Casey and Savana didn’t know that, so they got the idea that I make up all my guy friends on Facebook to make myself seem cool. That’s when it happened. ♥ Casey replied to the message that Alexis had sent to her saying “yeah, nice try Georgia. You can’t fool me with yet another fake facebook account! I know you’re lying…” then it wasn’t pretty. Alexis started going off at her saying how much of a bitch she was being. I don’t know if it worked, but I guess I’ll find out at school later. At least Savana was successful. Apparently, when Savana replied to the message she explained that because it was sent on Casey’s account, she didn’t actually want her name on it. Casey had just manipulated her into hating me. ♥ So at school the next day, Savana came straight up to me and apologized. My guess was that because Casey wasn’t at school that day, Savana had the courage to say it. Now it’s back to the way things used to be, I’m friends with all the girls in my home class. That’s 1 hater down, 3 more to go. Maybe that’s the case with all of them? They hate me to get a sense of power from their peers… I’ll have to investigate later. For now, at least I was back in sync a little, and it made me feel pride. ♥ Casey hasn’t been at school for the past 4 days. I haven’t told Alexis yet, but I’m sure she has other reasons for her non-attendance. It’s not like Alexis influenced her to go into mega depression or something… haha…... ridiculous……… but I’m not feeling sorry for the bitch. If her absence is due to Alexis’ message, then she deserved everything she got. “As if you would accuse all of your enemy’s Facebook friends to be fake because you think no-one would ever want to be friends with them…?” but that was Casey’s problem. Eventually, when she’s 72, and she’s living alone with 27 cats, she’ll see Alexis. Alexis will pull up in Casey’s driveway in her convertible and give Casey a little wave. Then she’ll  regret being such a bitch in high school. ♥

washed and hung out to dry...

The rumor has already started spreading. I still don’t understand where they got the fake boyfriend shit from… I am only friends with a few guys on Facebook, so I don’t see the fuss. But like I said in my message, “they’re lives are so boring that they need to make fun of someone to make it interesting.” Although, that still gives them no right to make my life miserable, and Savana is doing a really good job. She keeps doing that fake whisper thing where you cover your mouth with your hand while making whispy sounds and looking right at the person you are supposedly talking about. Every time she touches me, even if it’s just faint, she will say “eww!” and pretend to wipe off the spot. And I know, like a sixth-sense, that she talks about me behind my back. I just want to slap her. I mean, what girl hasn’t talked about another behind their back? It’s a girl thing, like it comes with the territory... ♥ And today, I found evidence of that fact. There were so many fights between a group of so-called ‘friends’ that’s there’s not enough words to explain it. Lets just say, the nine of us aren't as close as I thought we were, and I'm not the only one with enemies. We kind of have separate 'groups' within our one social group, and as I mixed around from group to group I realized that each person hated someone else. The complications in it all were endless. Although I did grasp the fact that “life as a teenage girl is similar to a thunder storm. Loud, complicated and unpredictable…” and you can assume a person’s personality by their relationships with others. Take Jaz and Anne for instance, they are two insanely sweet and adorable girls who have not yet hit puberty, and therefore, friends with everyone. Then girls like me, fat, ugly, and for some reason, hated by four people and counting. ♥ Unfortunately, the girls at St. Jo’s that I am loved by, which is probably 2 thirds out of all the girls in year 8, already have their set social groups. And crossing social groups is a definite no-no, and it also signifies that you’re desperate. So since changing social groups was death, and sitting alone seemed a bit… eh…… then the only option was to make the most out of the frenemies I’ve got. I just had to repair the cracks in all bad relationships. ♥ Repairing my social life would take more than just saying sorry to everyone I’ve ever offended. Because if I say sorry to someone who I hate because they were mean to me, then I will be giving in and admitting that they were in the right. And I don’t want a reputation as a push-over, I’d like to keep my reputation as a creative, confident and hillarious girl. So I had to think of a way to make the people that hurt me feel guilty. How will I do that? I have absolutely no idea—you tell me. ♥ 

facing the two-faced...

I thought lying on my bed sobbing and feeling sorry to be on earth would be the answer at first, but turns out all it took to cheer me up was an awesome day with Tori and Sophia at the playground on London St. We took random pics and videos of ourselves being totally insane on the play equipment, then went back to my house an hour later to chillax floating on pool lounges, sipping lemonades and crankin the tunes. That afternoon, I laughed so hard that Casey and Savana were out of my system, and it made me feel sweet relief. Like a massive weight on my shoulder had been lifted. Unfortunetly, the rope that lifted it was only so strong, and it wouldn’t take much for it to snap… ♥ There were so many different ways I could go, when I arrived at school the next morning… (a) act like I had no idea about the message and it wasn't me who sent a reply, but that seemed really stupid (b) “set them straight and give them a serious girl to girl talking to, but then again, I would probably end up slapping someone…” or (c) give in and apologize for… um…… well obviously that one is unpractical because I am basically clueless as to why the whole thing was sent. But as I thought about choosing my option while I was walking towards the school gate, I saw them. ♥ Savana and Casey, hand-in-hand, giggling, and acting like they were très cool. They were heading straight for the gate - the same as me, and I really didn’t want to face them alone. Luckily they never saw me so I was able to sneak off behind a bush. I stayed there until they passed, trying to listen in to their conversation, but I wasn’t close enough. Once they were far enough away from me, I casually walked into the school grounds, heading towards my locker. ♥ I had butterflies filling my stomach, the nervousness was overwhelming, and caused the rope that held the weight off my shoulders to snap. I was still unsure how to approach the situation, then I remembered that Casey wasn’t in my class. It made me more relieved, since she was the bitchier one. I would only have to handle what Savana dished out, which from memory, wouldn’t be very hard. She had more of a shy disposition, and she only felt comfortable being up-front with someone if she had people to back her up. I was her only friend in the class, so she’d have no-one to be behind her. Which was good for me, I wouldn’t have to be so insecure. ♥ I took a deep breath before I entered the classroom, because I wasn’t really sure what to expect to see. “But out of all the possibilities, I never expected to see Savana. Sitting at her desk. With her head resting in her hand. Playing the victim.” She gave a faint glance in my direction, my guess is she was expecting me to sit in my usual spot next to her, so she could gloat about her fake sadness. Instead, I headed towards my usual desk, then when I was almost there, I took a quick detour to sit next to Danielle in an empty space, leaving a puzzled Savana behind. Danielle and I laughed and helped each other during maths and science, leaving Savana sitting alone looking jealously over at us occasionally. ♥ From my opinion, Savana deserved the pain. I wanted her to feel unloved and hated just like I felt when I read the message. But was I trying to be too mean to her? I don’t cope with fights well. I immediately want to get revenge, even though I try to contain myself and remain quiet about it.  But at the end of the school day, I asked Mrs. Palmer about counseling. She wondered if there was anything we needed to talk about, but I said I’d prefer to speak to a counselor. So she signed me up for it, and the weight felt like it was again lifted far above me. For now… there was always the anticipation of tomorrow…… ♥

just another webisode...

I log onto facebook, just like any other time after school. I have a quick scan of my news feed, liking or commenting on anything that catches my eye. I click to check on my 17 notifications, (I always have lots) and then I click on where it says 1 message. It’s from Casey Sarin, we started out best friends in year six, then when her parents broke up she started acting differently… we had this huge fight, but we realized it was over nothing. So this year we’re friends again. ♥ Although, I usually hang out with Savana Jenkins more than her, ever since the drama with Dawn… she said bitchy things about me behind my back, and started copying my style. Then she told all my friends not to hang out with me, that I was a bitch and to stay away altogether. Eventually, I got so fed up with her that confronted her, but I didn’t take it easily, I went off. “You have no right to copy myself or my style, and stay away from my friends. The fact that you’re a total fucking bitch is one thing, but the fact that you have the nerve to be so jealous of me that you think you have to eliminate me, is another. Just get fucked and stay away from me!”… and that’s pretty much it. Just like that, I was suspended for 3 days. Little miss all-that ran straight to her mummy, who ran straight to the principal, who ran straight to me. And now, even though we’re both in year 8 (and I guessed more mature…... but still...) we still never speak to each other, and she continues to shut me out whenever I try to talk to the friends that she lied to. ♥ But luckily, I have Savana and Libby. The three of us get up to a lot of… stuff…… haha. After everything that happened with Dawn, I was so down. But those two were able to pick me up, and we formed the Anti-Dawn–Club, which is more of a ‘social group’ than club, but anyway… So, my life hasn’t exactly been one exploding ball of sunshine, but hey, I try to forgive and forget. Which is all you could do when you’ve got issues like mine. I can’t help but get really depressed at times, but at least I know that “when I can’t bear to look forward, and I’m too scared to look back, I look to my side and Paige Henley is always right there with me.” ♥ Courtney’s mum introduced my parents, so our connection is pretty significant. We’ve known each other since birth, and the friendship just came naturally. Unfortunately, Courtney (and all of my other friends like Tiffany, Meagan, Nikita, Tori, Sophia, Bianca, Lexi, etc…) don’t go to my school. But they’ve got their own problems at the High School, whereas as St Joseph’s it’s just a bunch of bitchy, stuck-up rich girls. ♥ Anyway, the message from Casey on Facebook. I opened it up as any curious woman would, only to find...   So, that was pretty much all I could do. Well that and burst into tears... I mean, if she’s anything like Dawn, if I got fired up about it she’d run straight to her mum. But instead of suspension, I’d probably get kicked out of the school. And call me a nerd, but I really care about my education, if I want to end up with a good future, I need to stay here. Which is why it makes it extremely hard when things get hard. Cos no matter how much I want to leave, I just have to stay. ♥ But what was with that anyway? Everything was all good Friday after noon, Savana had said that Casey was sleeping over at her house and I thought to myself, “cool, that’d be good for those two to spend some time together. They’ve been getting closer lately, maybe the three of us will end up best friends?” but maybe they’d been really plotting this whole thing against me for who knows how long… and all I could do now was watch the explosions, and stand helpless as I get hit from all directions, by falling debris. ♥